Encore une chose
Je voulais te dire
Still one thing has to be said -cleared
Eins aber noch ist zu sagen
This poem of Hölderlin I cherished for so many years
and its translation I worked on
Beginning in France, Paris at the Alliance Française
sitting in a class room for beginners with an old Turkish imame
who could hardly understand a single word
of my twisted tongue
my language my tongue to be broken
Dans ma langue ridicule que tout le monde saura de bon coeur ridiculisée
But the point I get stuck/ stucked all those years always on
is
the revolving one
not satisfaction nor happiness nor self-esteem nor pure and sheer luck
this kind of beyond dignity
au-delà de honnête satisfaction ayant été consommée par joie
and melancholy
being a slut cunt
a dead person morally socially intellectually artistically
whatever I could say is nothing
even the comparison to Hölderlin is stolen based on borrowed insight, cranked up with false empathy
someone like me
hat nichts zu sagen.
and so I thought helpful to get some advice from friends, women on particular or
relatives
about cette épineuse question de dévoiler au grand public
speaking out
in public
what is already public
But fragile ones I have asked they say, and I can hear their fragile voices breaking again, shadowing back into
shame ,
you can't.
You can NOT
There is no dignity in
exposing ABUSE.
(And their broken voices
not looking at French trials not regarding French newspapers
still insist on the abyssal fact:)
There is no dignity
Tu n'en auras rien
tu n'exposeras que ta monstrosité.
tu verrras ce que tu en gagneras , dixit la voix avec une haine froide
But you see I am still wondering
being unable to think
unable to handle purity correctly in an appropriate way
how deeply unconscious
a woman must be
oh melancholy my words my subject
