This weekend I went to Stuttgart
//
see Ohad Naharim
in my company
a young indian student I had invited
-//
he lives in my house and "Mega Israel" was my christmas present for him
and of course I had some -arrière pensées -
I have to figure out a way how I could get to India
in and with my research about
this "maria montessori representative" who was a profound/ly catholic jew
(who had to keep things going for the AMI association during 1940 and 1944)
I have to apologise
things in my brain
//
in my mind
are a
completely fizzled stuff full with complicated intrigated mixed figures
nobody ever could understand
I thought
going to STUTTGART and watch Ohad Naharim's choreography would be a good, an excellent occasion
to think about NOTHING
watch people dance, I said to myself
and havin no ideas about it
...
//
The young indian guy who is a very interesting person
(but that is another story ...including Bosnia) never heard about Ohad Naharim
and we just talked about european BLACK Theatres
by which I mean we were not talking about african and afroamerican actors but of theatre places which are usually conceived as - lets say: painted-in-black spaces mimicking absolute darkness
and we both agreed that theatre shouldn't be that way but mere common places filled with daylight
Theatres - au pluriel - in my dreams are often
white rooms lightful areas sometimes with a spit of gold or pure energy...
and then when the show started
I heard in my inner ear Martin Buber say
Okay - "this time I will watch YOU..."
I beg your pardon,
Martn Buber is melted mixed intertwined in my research too
(without having asked for it)
and If you could //
see me right now you would hear me breathing heavily
as if choking
as if the Ocean is running out of me and nothing left behind the distant waves
So I am the void between heavy sound of noise and branding air
Normally I avoid talking about those topics
and
I enjoy sitting in those dark german theatres
weeping my dark tears without anyone noticing me
and having Martin Buber watching me, espacially in Stuttgart
where Simmels wife and son lived, is a bitter idea to me
you see I had some difficulties watching what was going on on stage ...sur le plateau.
And normally I wouldn't have made such a fuss about it if I hadn't to play a role in it, too
Like a fool the madman and the cripple
I found myself dancing between those beautifully moving dynamic ariels
heavingly creators half angels half pucks
moving and stirring around
a dead wood like me a contradicting stubbornness in this floating elegance
with my neurotic blockade
Une bourgeoise coincée
around twelveother german theatre goers picked up out of the crowd
all like me dressed in vivid red
as by coincidence
like spots of blood
circling around enlighted or blocked
thrombo-oid
and as my ariel // was // with quirkiness slightly pushing me through this silent-smiling crowd
I felt as if the wooden iron blocade in my left rip
would disappear
like those fast moving circles fleeing over the water when you sling' skip// a pebble over it's surface
You know I' ve ..done a fall last week
I had gotten terribly drunk after I have passed an entire day in those german archives after having spent other days in other archives
and I had fallen down the staircase in my cellar
completely
//
I had done some research about one of my - lets say - uncles
whom I suspected having been in Thessalonicki in automne summer 1943 and then in Athen 1944
it is this guy I've herited a literary bible from, by what I mean: a book of Moses Mendelssohn
with a lot of black tears in poisoned ink
This guy who became an american officer in the us army. A career as steep as my fall was
I' lm lying thats not when I got drunk
I got drunk the day after when I found out about Einstein's collaborator and the hyprocrite woodenironed loyality they had conserved // reserved for him in my family during all those years
and if you could
you would hear me breath inspire heavily
now and again
it is as if
the air is getting separated from me
Dear Martin Buber
I'm not sure you will ever see me dancing
I fear I am unaptly willing... consenting to
sparkling laughters
